I know I've sort of been blasting this blog with a lot of "memory" posts from the holidays. I want to write more, but I've been in a bit of a funk lately. Not a depression, but not "on-top-of-the-world" feeling. I keep trying to force myself out of it, then I realize I need to just process through it, and then I get impatient so I try to force myself out of it. Vicious cycle. I know many of you are aware I have fibromyalgia so that adds to all the self-sabotaging thoughts that go through my days where I feel a little "down under."
I'm definitely not blogging this as a downer for anyone, I seriously promise that. I'm just trying to be real and hoping that this might be a way to force myself out of it. By acknowledging it. I know that not many "random" people read my blog, mostly my family and friends, so I know it's safe to post this. And I know most all of you have been through times like this-- The feeling of being weighed down by big questions like-"what does my life mean/what am I accomplishing with my life", to the smaller questions and/or criticisms of "why didn't I work out again?!/why can't I do something simple like keep my house clean?/and why did I cheat on my diet AGAIN?!".
Honestly, I'm not writing this to fish for positive reinforcement (even though I love that all of you love me... I definitely know I'm loved), I actually am afraid to post this because I'm embarrassed that anyone will feel that I'm doing that. I am just writing this to be real... and let you know why my posts have been more of a family journal when I promised myself I would do more writing... because sometimes the simple task of hitting "Publish" on a post-- that is full of a slew of pictures I have just spent an hour sorting through, is a simple, yet invigorating feeling of accomplishment for a day of feeling unaccomplished, it is something outside of my To Do List, and something to zone away on without thinking about real life. So forgive me if I keep posting away. I may come out of my funk soon. If anything, I'd love to hear if any of you can relate.