Friday, March 9, 2012

In the Funk

I know I've sort of been blasting this blog with a lot of "memory" posts from the holidays.  I want to write more, but I've been in a bit of a funk lately.  Not a depression, but not "on-top-of-the-world" feeling. I keep trying to force myself out of it, then I realize I need to just process through it, and then I get impatient so I try to force myself out of it.  Vicious cycle.  I know many of you are aware I have fibromyalgia so that adds to all the self-sabotaging thoughts that go through my days where I feel a little "down under."

I'm definitely not blogging this as a downer for anyone, I seriously promise that.  I'm just trying to be real and hoping that this might be a way to force myself out of it.  By acknowledging it. I know that not many "random" people read my blog, mostly my family and friends, so I know it's safe to post this.  And I know most all of you have been through times like this-- The feeling of being weighed down by big questions like-"what does my life mean/what am I accomplishing with my life", to the smaller questions and/or criticisms of "why didn't I work out again?!/why can't I do something simple like keep my house clean?/and why did I cheat on my diet AGAIN?!".

Honestly, I'm not writing this to fish for positive reinforcement (even though I love that all of you love me... I definitely know I'm loved), I actually am afraid to post this because I'm embarrassed that anyone will feel that I'm doing that.  I am just writing this to be real... and let you know why my posts have been more of a family journal when I promised myself I would do more writing... because sometimes the simple task of hitting "Publish" on a post-- that is full of a slew of pictures I have just spent an hour sorting through, is a simple, yet invigorating feeling of accomplishment for a day of feeling unaccomplished, it is something outside of my To Do List, and something to zone away on without thinking about real life. So forgive me if I keep posting away.  I may come out of my funk soon.  If anything, I'd love to hear if any of you can relate.


Alicia said...

I can totally relate. I feel you. Plus, March blows.
Bottom line-- you ARE awesome. Whether you wanted people to say that or not, it's true.
Love you, Alicia

Randi said...

I am trying to crawl out of my funk too. It happens every year when I come home from seeing my family at Christmas time. I know that the things I need to post about will be the last ones with my family in them for a LONG time. For some reason I just can't get myself to do it. I am slowly coming out if it and getting excited about posting stuff that they haven't seen. Keep doing what makes you happy. Eventually you will find your way back to writing.

stacy said...

i'm just having a hard time not reading the other "f word" every time i read "funk" hahaha!

youre so awesome, you live in germany...i could never live in germany. it was hard enough to get me to move to arizona. i love how adventurous and adaptable you are, i wish that i was more like that.

if you read my last blog you'll know that i have my fare share of funky. :) my funk right now is exactly what yours is so i can relate 100%.

i'm gonna be fine. you're gonna be fine and don't ever feel embarrassed about feeling the way that EVERYONE feels at one time or another. you really are a fantastic womam!

Heather and James Georgianna said...

maybe a mid life crises? :) jk i am on;y 24 and i feel like that all the time. I don't have kids yet and i live in Rexburg, Idaho its hard for me sometimes to get out of that funk and find purpose in life. Maybe throw away your to do list and start a new one and name it "new things i want to learn" take up new hobbies for yourself not your kids or husband. :) love you!

Stephanie said...

I agree with Heathers post. It is hard to find purpose here in Rexburg. So I guess I can understand a small portion of what you are going through. I keep myself busy with crafts. I have to have something to look forward to to keep my spirits up. Even if it is as simple as having someone over for dinner... It just keeps things more alive. I am sorry youre in a funk! Not fun!! One thing that helps me when I am in a funk is to just do. I stop thinking and just do.. and all of the sudden I begin feeling better. Maybe a bad suggestion, But just trying to help. Also, I did not once think that you were trying to fish for anything in your post. I got it. I understand!!! You do not need to worry. :)

Kerstin said...

First of all - I love the family journal posts. You know that I have read my fair share of blogs and I've always prefered the well-written family journals. I hardly ever stick with the other ones. I don't want to discourage you from writing, but I have to admit if you ever choose to blog about what you have been wearing today and where you have bought it - I won't even bother to comment.
Other than that - isn't it totally normal that you sometimes feel depressed or sad? Everyone does, at least I do, too. You know the old "How will you appreciate the sun when it never rains?"-blabla?!